ENTRY #1

 Kamusta! Everyone, I am Ilmnory, and this is my first entry on my blog. What you will see here is all about my encounter with God and my interpretation of some of the scriptures that I have read.

So it's more likely a personal journal >v<. So you are free to leave this site if you come across it accidentally. 

But if you didn’t leave despite reading the words PERSONAL BLOG and continually reading this, perhaps you are interested in what I will say. By the way, thank you for coming here. I hope you will learn something from my blog posts. 

Entry #1

I know that a lot of us experience spiritual warfare wherein we lose our faith or specifically question the existence of our God, such as, is he really true, or are we just making something up so that we can have something to rely on when life gets hard? something like that. I tell you, I have been there. You know, it's been almost a month since I started again to give in to him; hence, you probably don't take me seriously because you know what a foolish person I am. Give me advice when I am just starting. Well, you know, I don't know the reason either. I just have this feeling that I need to write this. 

So getting back and just sharing a little bit of my experiences, I was a lukewarm Christian ever since I was a kid. I do believe in him, but you know, I don't pay much attention to him, and probably because of that, I was led in the wrong direction. I remember when I started to reach puberty, I was exposed to malicious things such as masturbation and intimacy with a person of my same gender. Actually, that was one of the darkest times of my life, and I can say that up until now, it has hunted me. I feel so dirty, and I don't know what to do. At that time, I was praying to God to clean me because I didn't think I could take it anymore. But, you know, I asked for that, but every time I was tempted I always gave in to lust, and I never made  way or helped myself to overcome it.

So since God sees that I can't do it alone, do you know what God’s response to my addiction is? Well, I was just diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, and medication won't work; hence, I was scheduled for an operation. And yes! Since I got that surgery, it has stopped me from giving in to my lust since, of course, I need to recover, which is why I am not allowed to do that. However, after a few months of recovery, like I remember, on the 9th month, yes, I tried again, and whenever I do that, I feel so wrong, and then eventually, after that surgery, I found myself that I rarely do that again, and it just happened that I have been not doing it for 2 years now. 

So see, this is evidence that God’s answer to our prayer was in the least expected way. Actually, I just realised this thing when I personally repented of my sins to him almost a month ago, and everything just like that sank in to me—how wonderful he is. Thus, with this realisation of how he saved me and how he laid his grace in me, it was like all of my sins were forgiven, and it was like I was no longer the dirty, wonderous evil. I was reborn with his grace. That is why those who have the same experience should keep praying and repent, and God will do the rest; he will cleanse and lift you up from the depths of darkness. Here is the scripture for you guys to remember every time you lose your faith. I heard it from the chosen. By the way, it's a must-watch series to get closer to God. 

 

Psalms 139:8

If I ascend into heaven, you are there. 

If I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there. 

The scripture telling us that no matter where we are in life, God’s presence is always with us, even in the depths of hell, it is a proof of his unwavering grace to us. Hence, let us get back to him. Even if you feel that he will never forgive you for what you have done, remember this scripture. Thank you, guys, and may the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ our God bestow upon you.